Kevin’s 2010 Tony Awards Commentary

(complete with original formatting and spelling errors)

8:05 Are we squeezing every show into the opening? What does that leave for the rest of the show? Shouldn’t the host… well host? Why is he silent and behind a piano that keeps sliding offstage with him?

8:07 I think it’s telling that a record is a symbol for so many of these “new” shows.

8:09 Why did the Tony Awards suddenly turn into the MTV awards?

8:14 Sean Hayes – I don’t care if you are gay or straight, but if you want me to believe you are sexually attracted to Kristin Chenoweth, you better TRY HARDER.

8:16 Yes, poor Nathan Lane – he just doesn’t have

8:18 Is Katie Holmes that tall or is Daniel Radcliffe that short? And Katie – YOUR DRESS IS TOO DAMN TIGHT – you boobs are squished and it’s not attractive. Where the hell are the dressers?

8:19 Wouldn’t it be nice to have presenters and hosts that are famous because of their stage work and have also worked in film and TV instead of famous for film and TV who have also done work on stage?

8:22 Ricky Martin – clear your throat BEFORE you go on stage.

8:24 Some one smack the cameraman who can’t keep still. You can’t help Quartet look any more interesting – it just isn’t. Wait – is this Quartet or Memphis? They look the same… does it matter?

8:25 is this really the best number Memphis had to offer for the Tony’s?

8:26 This camera work is terrible – did the director not see this in rehearsal?

8:27 Dancap obviously blew their budget buying airtime – they sure as hell didn’t spend it on a set or lighting for their spots.

8:29 Two more Dancap spots – one just a repeat of what we’ve seen. I’m guessing these aren’t live? IS there another channel I can switch to and avoid this crap? PS Aubrey – no one cares who you are, leave your ego at the door… and you look orange – who the hell lit you?)

8:30 The theatre front door set is kind of interesting – but why not feature backstage view designs – isn’t that what’s being celebrated?

8:24 Kelsey Grammer has had some work done. His face is stretched so tight that he looks like Neil Patrick Harris. The wig isn’t helping – does the designer know his character isn’t 20 and on Happy Days?

8:36 Mathew Morrison seems to be getting more airtime this year then in years he was actually in a Broadway show.

8:37 Wow - La Cage looked lackluster. Stage West could do better.

 8:38 For a man playing Albin on Broadway – he’s very poor in heels. He’s galloping around the stage like a bull in a china shop. WOW– did he just loose his final note halfway through, take a breath and start again? OUCH!

8:45 Nice bitchy quip about the movie Nine.

8:46 I think it’s funny they have a set full of doors and no one actually walks through them.

8:45 I’m guessing you had to be black to work on Fella?

8:49 On accepting a Tony for directing La Cage Aux Folles - “I’d like to thank my fellow nominees without whom I’d have written a speech” – NICE!

8:51 If you are going to use projected CGI scenery – could it NOT look like a bad PC game from 1998?

8:53 HOLD THE DAMN CAMERA STILL. This back and forth shit is annoying. Your viewers aren’t A.D.D. suffering 19 year olds more accustomed to MTV - we can watch a person talk and not glaze over.

8:55 Gee Chris Noth, I guess all those years ensuring Law, order and sex in the city didn’t prepare you for stage so much.

8:55 Bon Jovi gets camera time from another city? Really?

8:57 Why are there commercials for the Tony Awards DURRING the Tony Awards? Nice move, Dancap. It’s worth noting that is noticing that the only shows that are featured in these bad Tony Award TV spots, are the ones that Dancap invested in. Hmm.

9:01 David Bryan – if you are gong to pretend to give Angela Landsbury a standing ovation, at least make sure you are looking at her and clapping instead of look for something in your pocket – just in case the camera sweeps over you… because it did and you weren’t.

9:03 Okay, I’m pretty sure Kelsey Grammer has had enough screen time now.

9:05 Note to Tony Award Winners yet to come – the “When I was a kid I wanted to be on Broadway and now look at me because here I am and dreams do come true” speech has been done to death now, find something new.

9:07 I miss seeing scenes from plays on the Tony Awards - I have such fond memories of Shirley Valentine, Lettice and Lovage, a Walk in the Woods and more. More plays less rock star and sitcom star shit.

9:08 Listening to Memphis I keep hearing other songs – Whitney Houston in particular. A bit of Hairspray too. They “borrowed” quite a bit, didn’t they? That’s a lot of arm choreography. Great costumes though.

9:17 Cute Chenowith bit.

9:19 You GO Barbara Cook!

9:21 Catherine Zeta Jones: I love you and want you to be good, but what are you doing with your neck? You look like a goose bobbing its head. Pick something to look at and focus n. Oh – and more vowels, don’t sing your consonants. And what accent is that? The last line is “Well maybe next year” not “Well mmmaybe nnnnext ye-eu-eu-eu-eu-eu-eu-”. I hate to say it but Bernadette is going to kick your ass in this come the fall.

9:26 Yeah, I'm sure if we cut a few shots of Kelsey Grammer, Bon Jovi and Mathew Morrison we could have squeezed in scenes form Fences and Red.

9:30 Wow Idina is looking manly in that dress – she could be in La Cage.

9:31 Mother in Ragtime – what the hell is that wig doing? It’s like Fantine from Les Miz was getting her hair partially done in a Gibson upsweep for Hello Dolly but had to rush out before it was done. Oh – and glue your lace down ya lazy bitch.

9:33 Holy crap this CGI projection is bad. I’m expecting Final Fantasy characters to jump onstage any minute. Seriously – it looks like it’s from a cheap Agatha Christie DVD game.

9:49 Nice little tribute to the cops who keep Broadway safe.

9:50 It would be helpful if the British guy who is in South Pacific (the one dressed like a refuge from Guys and Dolls) mention who the hell he plays.

9:44 Sean Hayes in drag as Annie and/or Bernadette Peters: “She’s the BP that isn’t ruining the planet”

9:45 Helen Mirren just gave a shout out to the tech booth. Class.

9:50 Are will and Jada on the Tony’s because they produced a show or are they on there because they have been in blockbuster films? I don’t see the rest of the producers introducing their own shows.

9:51 Fella = Rent meets The Lion King… only not half as interesting as either on their own.

10:00 Why would you show a billboard for Rock of Ages while introducing Michael Douglas? I’m guessing the only reason he’s on this year is because his wife is too.

10:14 I didn’t know June Havoc died this year. Could they have chosen more obscure clips of Dixie Carter and Rue?

10:19 Yo, Carol – if you’re going to the Tony’s for Fences, wear something nicer than an old shawl made out of a curtain and a dress cast off from Minnie Mouse.

10:30 It's not even a song from a show nominated this year? Mathew Morrison has apparently forgotten how to sing and pace his breathing without prerecording his song. Tulsa’s have been doing it for years. I wonder if Glee chick is heading up the revival of Funny Girl. I hope she knows Fanny Brice didn't pull the pop vocal trick shit she is. I also wonder if she gets that the point is to be Fanny Brice - not do Barbara Streisand karaoke.

10:35 Sean Hayes sending up Spiderman the musical before the show is even out – nice.

10:36 Describing Rachael Welch as the star of Woman of the Year hurts me. She was the nasty, talentless stunt casting replacement for when the REAL star – Lauren Bacall – left. And learn to read – bitch.

10:42 Rock musicals can actually be more than idiots jumping around on stage while giving themselves whiplash and accompanied by strobe lighting.

11:00 I don't love what I see or hear of Memphis but at least the Tony Best Musical has an original book and an original score.

 11:02 Well, that was boring. No need to go to New York for a bit.